A song i wrote
2 posters
Page 1 of 1
A song i wrote
These are the lyrics to a song i wrote a while back. tell me what you like and what i should change.
[verse 1]
Im trapped in this place
Nothing to do but sit and wait
Ill crawl out someday
Thats what i tell myself
It seems im out of date
I guess its really 2 late
[chorus]
cuz we are all just brainwashed
tricked into following all the things that everyone loves to see
[verse 2]
but now as i start to think about
all the stuff i should have thought about
before going out and wrecking everything
and now everything seems unreal
i gotta ask was our love really real?
[Chorus Repeats]
[verse 3]
all the lies and bullshit we've been through
crys in vain
take this pain
out of my body
so that i can sleep
and maybe dream that you weep
[verse 1]
Im trapped in this place
Nothing to do but sit and wait
Ill crawl out someday
Thats what i tell myself
It seems im out of date
I guess its really 2 late
[chorus]
cuz we are all just brainwashed
tricked into following all the things that everyone loves to see
[verse 2]
but now as i start to think about
all the stuff i should have thought about
before going out and wrecking everything
and now everything seems unreal
i gotta ask was our love really real?
[Chorus Repeats]
[verse 3]
all the lies and bullshit we've been through
crys in vain
take this pain
out of my body
so that i can sleep
and maybe dream that you weep
Re: A song i wrote
Without specifically going to each line, you need to clean up your rhyming scheme (or lack thereof.)
Re: A song i wrote
spearlymatt wrote:Without specifically going to each line, you need to clean up your rhyming scheme (or lack thereof.)
i dont go for rhyming. I know it sounds better when you read it and it rhymes, but it can sound just as good with a good drumbeat, guitar riff, and stuff without rhyming
Re: A song i wrote
Yes, but if you aren't going to rhyme, then don't rhyme at all. If you are going to rhyme, go with a scheme.
Not rhyming is completely acceptable, as long as you don't mix in random rhymes with it.
Not rhyming is completely acceptable, as long as you don't mix in random rhymes with it.
Re: A song i wrote
spearlymatt wrote:Yes, but if you aren't going to rhyme, then don't rhyme at all. If you are going to rhyme, go with a scheme.
Not rhyming is completely acceptable, as long as you don't mix in random rhymes with it.
The rhymes in the lyrics are unintentional. i didnt mean to rhyme in them verses haha
Page 1 of 1
Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
|
|