A song i wrote

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A song i wrote

Post by Ron_Gladfelter on Tue Aug 25, 2009 4:54 pm

These are the lyrics to a song i wrote a while back. tell me what you like and what i should change.

[verse 1]
Im trapped in this place
Nothing to do but sit and wait
Ill crawl out someday
Thats what i tell myself
It seems im out of date
I guess its really 2 late


[chorus]
cuz we are all just brainwashed
tricked into following all the things that everyone loves to see

[verse 2]
but now as i start to think about
all the stuff i should have thought about
before going out and wrecking everything
and now everything seems unreal
i gotta ask was our love really real?

[Chorus Repeats]

[verse 3]
all the lies and bullshit we've been through
crys in vain
take this pain
out of my body
so that i can sleep
and maybe dream that you weep
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Ron_Gladfelter
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Re: A song i wrote

Post by spearlymatt on Tue Aug 25, 2009 5:03 pm

Without specifically going to each line, you need to clean up your rhyming scheme (or lack thereof.)
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Re: A song i wrote

Post by Ron_Gladfelter on Tue Aug 25, 2009 5:05 pm

spearlymatt wrote:Without specifically going to each line, you need to clean up your rhyming scheme (or lack thereof.)

i dont go for rhyming. I know it sounds better when you read it and it rhymes, but it can sound just as good with a good drumbeat, guitar riff, and stuff without rhyming
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Re: A song i wrote

Post by spearlymatt on Tue Aug 25, 2009 5:07 pm

Yes, but if you aren't going to rhyme, then don't rhyme at all. If you are going to rhyme, go with a scheme.

Not rhyming is completely acceptable, as long as you don't mix in random rhymes with it.
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Re: A song i wrote

Post by Ron_Gladfelter on Tue Aug 25, 2009 5:09 pm

spearlymatt wrote:Yes, but if you aren't going to rhyme, then don't rhyme at all. If you are going to rhyme, go with a scheme.

Not rhyming is completely acceptable, as long as you don't mix in random rhymes with it.

The rhymes in the lyrics are unintentional. i didnt mean to rhyme in them verses haha
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